Can you picture me as someone's wife?

Hi honey I'm home
dinner's almost ready just a few more minutes in the oven
How was your day at work?
I envision an even more isolating life than the one I live now
I'm afraid of not having a family of my own 10, 15 years down the road
Will I grow old alone?
He elaborates on all the details of his day and fails to ask about mine
I know my life isn't as glamorous as yours but I am alive all the same
I process my life experiences
some days I grieve more than others
my day I think to myself............
my life has come to this minus
the baby's crying and we're behind on bills again
Where's the feminist guy I met last spring?
Do you see me
Do you see me
Do I see myself?
Do I feel myself?
What is it to feel real, alive and connected to myself and others?
Do I have the capacity to love and be loved?
Am I too impatient and judgmental?
why do people date?
why do they marry?
some things you do for money
other things you do for love
which holds stronger?
I just can't visualize myself a wife in Vermont or anywhere for that matter
picking up the kids from school
nurturing a family
I yearn for the stability I never had
I have a confession to make: I want a life partner
I really do
but,
Does it come in that nuclear family package deal with the family car
all wheel drive, child safety lock doors, anti-lock breaks and a built in GPS with loaded features?
What will be expected of me if I ever assume the role?
Some days I feel like I can't even be someone's girlfriend
Who will take care of me when I'm too weak to face the world?
What will I do without the internet or my cell phone?
Did I walk away from my one true love long ago....”

~ Christina Van Winkle