January 11, 2007

And then I wanted to cry
And did
Many times for real and in my heart
For once I didn’t recognize her
The despondent, the confused, the weak
The one I want to forget, but probably won’t
And then my dreams started to change
I woke up happy in the morning
The inner torment I’d felt for years was finally fucking gone
So many things had changed
I could see
I could feel
I could be
The me, the fucking amazing me I want to be
The FEAR
That she would leave me again is not here
Or anywhere
I won’t let her go
She’s here with me
And with you because she loves you dearly
I still wanted to cry
Because I looked out all around me
In every direction
And I could feel my strong sisters
Pushing me forward
Forward to where I want to go
Each one helping me climb my ladder
My ladder, and my ladder alone
The one I’ve chosen
Chosen to climb
Along the path
I’ve chosen
Chosen to walk
A path of resistance
Resistance to those things
Real and imaginary
Self-created and imposed
A creating path
Of alternate ways of being
Expressing
Choosing to be
Someone different
Entirely different
Than the person I’m supposed to be
Supposed to be for their comfort
In my box for comfort
Chatteled, suppressed, defeated
Not my comfort
My screaming womyn voice
Says No!
I’m walking my path
Climbing my ladder
And look! Do you see?
There, there, there, and don’t forget to look here
The beauty, I know
Is overwhelming
The grandness of all the loving, creating, resisting womyn
I know I’d be dead without them, too

~ Carissa Sindon
womynsolidarity@gmail.com